StudioGlyphic

Author: glyphic

  • Loopholes

    Loopholes

    Here are some loopholes you can use to get out of paying taxes. These really work! I’ve been using them for years.

    • Buy a house using a loan – Don’t pay taxes on all your income like some kind of low-life renter; subtract the interest you are paying from your income as if you had never earned it.
    • Get married – Only sinners pay full taxes on two incomes; legitimize your relationship and benefit!
    • Have kids – Other people should not only see and hear your children, they should take on some of the tax burden, too.
    • Get health insurance through your job – Only the foolish buy their own health insurance using after-tax dollars; be wise and get yours pre-tax through an employer.

    There are other loopholes, I’m sure, but these are the big ones. Try these first and see if they work for you.

    Image CC BY jpellgen

  • How to keep your political career

    Some free, but useful advice on how to stay in politics.

    12 things to avoid:

    1. Don’t take pictures of yourself naked.
    2. Don’t take pictures of your reproductive organs while wearing something tight/revealing.
    3. Don’t engage in sexually explicit conversations over the Internet or by text message.
    4. Don’t do anything remotely sexual with an underage person.
    5. Don’t have an affair in a foreign country and lie about it.
    6. Don’t have a relationship with a call girl.
    7. Don’t pay for a prostitute with a check.
    8. Don’t have an affair with someone who works for you.
    9. Don’t have an affair with someone who is married to someone who works for you.
    10. Don’t solicit strangers for sex in airport bathrooms.
    11. Don’t have illegitimate children and deny responsibility.
    12. Don’t make advances on the children of your donors.

    If you do decide to ignore my advice and go ahead with any of these activities, then please pay attention to the following tips.

    6 things that will make it worse:

    1. Campaign based on your squeaky clean image.
    2. Championing family values.
    3. Public and loud criticism of other people’s indiscretions.
    4. Anti-homosexual rhetoric, especially if you’re closeted.
    5. Covering up with hush money.
    6. Firing or threatening people who are involved.

    And finally, when you are caught (and you will be), come clean as quickly and openly as possible. Learn how to shed a tear in public, but try not bawl. Look and sound sincere. Keep a low profile. Work hard. And then maybe, if your constituents feel like they have a connection with you, they’ll let you keep your job.

  • The Bigger Bubble

    Recently I’ve been mulling over housing prices and I think it’s entirely possible that we’re in for further decreases in home prices. I could be wrong, but let me throw this out there and see what people say.

    In the current political climate, with all the emphasis on having less government intervention, lower government spending, and lower deficits, we could see big reductions in, or the elimination of:

    • The secondary mortgage market as defined by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac
    • The mortgage interest tax deduction

    If this happens, there will be big drops in housing prices. I don’t see a free market coming up with the 30-year fixed-rate no-prepayment-penalty loan. Instead we’ll see shorter terms, higher rates, or much greater fees, which will in turn reduce the number of potential buyers. Especially when borrowers can no longer pretend that the interest rate deduction somehow makes the monthly payment “not much more than rent.”

    So what do you think? Will Congress actually man up and kill Fannie, Freddie, and the interest deduction in the name of free markets and responsible governance, or will they continue to pander to the home-owning public and bolster the status quo?

  • The First World

    This has got to be an experience that’s unique to the first world: you walk into a bathroom and your nostrils are hit with the scent of artificial lemon attempting to mask harsh disinfectants that will kill anything and you think “Clean.”

  • Pack a power strip

    Whether you’re at the airport or on jury duty, busting out the power strip can make you look like a genius. The non-geniuses are the ones walking around hunched over, laptop and power cord in hand, desperately looking for an open outlet that just doesn’t exist. Power strips are also handy for dealing with the ridiculously short length of Apple’s iPhone USB cable.